The boy and I cruised down a local street in our large red sedan one recent weekend morning. With my window part open I let a silent but violent one slip, not figuring that it would "affect" my son. The release proved more potent than forecast. Almost right away he announced in a bold and confident voice "I smell farts!". As I hesitated before responding he continued "I think it's that car up there." pointing to a smaller red car ~50 feet ahead of us.
To verify, I asked "You think the farts are coming from that red car up there?"
"Yeah, that car's stinky" as he held his nose with his right hand and pointed with his left. My quiet but persistent chuckling precluded divulging the true details at the moment, but I must grant him due credit for thinking up such an original, albeit far fetched, excuse. I tend to go with "low tide", "cattle ranch", "leaking septic tanks", or "apple processing plant", in accordance with my West Sonoma County roots. To qualify this bit of lowbrow, I almost did not post it due to the inherent necessity of admitting to all who read this that I farted, unless I wanted to create a fictional farter character. What the fart? I read somewhere that it happens to the best of us, praise Charles Buckowski. Besides, "Shut up Beavis" is a phrase that I still enjoy "whipping out" upon occasion.
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2 comments:
We used to call the apple vinegar smell dinosaur farts, pretend we were future primitives skating down Mill Station, never thought of dope once UNTIL YOU MENTIONED IT, now my life is ruined
poor helpless child. someone should call CPS for attempted asphyxiation of a minor. i have been an unwitting victim of your silent-but-violents for many years and they have only gotten worse as your gut ages... must be all those dead carcasses... j/k... actually, i'm totally serious.
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