Thursday, November 18, 2010

Little Things

The daylight, the moonlight, the cars between the lines all spin me adrift. My resilient children liven me up like nothing else, but spirits fall when our short visits end, such are separations in this beautiful cruel world. Turns out 10,000 oceans of tears ain't really that many, that I didn't know what I was getting into, that sorrow cuts deeper than imagination foresaw. Laughing away nightmares has become difficult, dusk seems more a scary movie than ever. Thought this post might pump me up, help me project a positive vibration, but more work required.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

November and my heart hurts

chest pain is no fun. been a long time since I've felt it, but I feel it now, in this dark November. This fear will lose hold of me in time, one way or another. See all the relatively relaxed people that used to seem relatively glum. Transform, transcend, trans-something, take a deep breath. not all is well, nor Hell. Another deep breath. For the love of me, us all.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Growing Pain

Wish to uplift, but I'm a bummer, most all the time. Had so many years of regularly feeling good, at least at some point each day or week, and felt fabolous beyond compare for many of those times. Will I ever get that ever new bliss back? Still believe in finding fulfillment in the now, which is why these words appear on this screen. Want the light to fill me, consume me, shine all around me, like it is. Too blind to see it. "That's not the electric light, it's just your vision growing dim." --L. Cohen. I see now why men perish after losing their families and money, harder than they could have imagined, emotionally honest or not. Of course, the October Country has left us to deep Autumn, the helladaze season, the frosty dying season. Must learn from then let go of past mistakes, work to feel light, remember to eat. Bless my friends and family for continuing to put up with me, believing that I'll come in around in awhile like a guy with a hangover sipping coffee.