Monday, March 27, 2006

April #1 For Suicide

KCBS spouted with an interesting report this morning, for once, about how more folks commit suicide in April than any other month. Yes they knew, we all thought a winter month would boast that honor. The theory proferred is that people are too depressed in winter, but get a little vernal pep that gets the job done. Same reason anti-depressants sometimes "cause" suicide, they say. I've had a keen interest in the subject since childhood due to my mother regularly threatening to off herself over the years, but never heard about April. I found suicide somewhat of a fear catch-22. You see, my tried and true method for overcoming fear of murder and monsters was to become the murderer or monster in my mind, pump up my prey drive, but when the victim is the aggressor that plan falls flat. Now, it would make sense that attempting suicide would be a felony, punishable by jail time, but the legal system doesn't know what to make of it either. They said on the report that it's the 3rd leading cause of death for males 18-45, killing more than homicides; amazing. Of course, being a little suicidal is a good thing, keeps you from putting your goggles on, going to bed, and waiting to die of doorknob germs. Best in moderation, like insanity. Much power in living close to death and craziness, but the ability to turn it off when it gets uppity is the key. Warriors need that power, and the aspiration and vision of myself as a spiritual warrior was cultivated to a high degree at the church I attended. They had some story about a guy flipping out his enemies by stabbing himself with his own sword, you know, just to show he was a crazy asshole whose surrender could not be rationally calculated or expected. Which I believe is the point of Eminem's line: "Mentally ill in Amityville, don't think that I won't, God damn it I will." Chief Seattle has a whole spiel about it too, in Chief Seattle Speaks; the warriors would say hoka hey (today is a good day to die) each day upon waking. And then there's that Angel vampire show, annoying but true. What was that my biking buddies taught me? Oh yeah, all fun and games until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious. Works for skating too. Sharing nice meals and conversation is fine, but risking life & limb together forms another level of spirit affirming bond. See, we don't need a draft to get soldiers, just acceptance and $ for college. Now that I've mastered slow smiling I'm trying slow scowling, much more painful, but almost as fun. In Natural Born Killers, after Mickey kills the good Indian and all the rattlesnakes come, he gets into the Indian's old pick-up and has this flash of his irate father behind the wheel of a similar old truck, eyes wild with rage, vitriolic sweat and spit flying - that's the look I shoot for. Must take care or my face will stay like that.

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